Why?
just pull the trigger…
if i would of known back when i started this journal that it would come back to haunt me some day, i would of never even expressed my thoughts, feelings, and doings.
but hind-sight is 20/20 as they always say,
right?
i don't know why i do it. i don't know how to talk to anyone right now. i want to crawl into my bed at my house and sleep while the sun goes down.
i want to leave my cell phone at work and i want somebody to come into my room and tell me everything's gonna be alright.
i want to forget about my life as i know it right now.
i want to sleep until august.
thinking
i broke today (and for no reason.)
i tried to explain to you that its not you. its me, completely me.
me me me. im crazy, ive told you this time after time. i guess that you didnt take me seriously. but it really is just me.
i started thinking and thinking and thinking. and then my thoughts kept on thinking, but come to think of it, i wasnt thinking of anything at all.
i didnt like the silence. or the tension between the seats as we drove. i didnt like it at all. in fact, i fucking hated it. never let me do this to you again.
im just really messed up sometimes. you'll get used to it- even though you refuse to. its that or… goodbye.
when i said that i was glad you stick around, i really meant it.
youre one of the only things that can remind me that im alive anymore.
i cannot handle you
you with your fingers all over everything and with your heart in the right place. don't make me hurt you, because i will. im not the same now. i will hurt you. i will take you with both hands and i will stretch and twist you until i can't anymore.
not now, not this time. don't tempt me.
