19473
/sigh
I honestly don't know what is wrong with me these days. I've been depressed…
Its as if I fail at everything. I try to be there for my friends, and when shit happens, they don't seem to want it. Its always 'I don't want to talk about it.' Its as if I am not wanted.
when I do get into a relationship, it seems at the end of it I am just a teacher. They always learn things from me, but by then its too late. They realize what they have lost and use that in their next relationship. I talk with some of them and find out things like 'I'm giving up doing this or that, its hurting my relationship and I don't want it to do what it did to you and I.' And I can only sit there and think, 'Why couldn't you have realized that when we were together? When I tried talking to you about it?'
And when I do bring it up, they say 'I was stupid, i'm sorry, wish it was different then.' Well, that doesn't fucking help me, does it.
I have my chiropractor trying to hook me up with some girl. I have my parents trying to do that. I have told them I don't want blind date shit, btu they pester me about it. I want to find someone that I think is right for me, not who they think will be right for me. I want to be loved and to love someone. And I feel as if I am never going to have that, no kids, no wife, etc.
Maybe I am trying to damned hard.
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