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When eating and drinking's only purpose is to stop the pain in the stomach even though you aren't even hungry. When you think of girls and all you want is just to keep your eyes closed and feel their lips and their warmth and you don't even care what their name is. When you slowly let go of your car and close your eyes and count to ten to give your conscience some justification. When someone tells you, you made a mistake and you don't have a good reason and you don't even care. When you have given up everything to gain nothing except a little self-respect. When you discover you've wasted all this time all along. When the rain pours and it takes a weight off your chest. When you sleep to escape reality. When you lie in bed. When you pick up the receiver to only hear someone else's conversation about how well life is going for them. When all you want to do is scream and let everyone down because it felt better. When you wear a coat and an oversized sweater in seventy degree weather. When you've lost count of how much money you've spent. When you make up a life for yourself just because you want something closer to reality.
Then you are bemused and awed in the presence of your self; how can it get like this? Why is this so hard? And you wonder, how do I handle it all? But you do, and you learn to love it because it's the shards of glass that matter, not the pane.
You are about the embark on an amazing journey,” says the fortune cookie.
So here we go. Down the spiral and it tastes like last year… all… over… again…
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