18246
Good luck.
17961
When eating and drinking's only purpose is to stop the pain in the stomach even though you aren't even hungry. When you think of girls and all you want is just to keep your eyes closed and feel their lips and their warmth and you don't even care what their name is. When you slowly let go of your car and close your eyes and count to ten to give your conscience some justification. When someone tells you, you made a mistake and you don't have a good reason and you don't even care. When you have given up everything to gain nothing except a little self-respect. When you discover you've wasted all this time all along. When the rain pours and it takes a weight off your chest. When you sleep to escape reality. When you lie in bed. When you pick up the receiver to only hear someone else's conversation about how well life is going for them. When all you want to do is scream and let everyone down because it felt better. When you wear a coat and an oversized sweater in seventy degree weather. When you've lost count of how much money you've spent. When you make up a life for yourself just because you want something closer to reality.
Then you are bemused and awed in the presence of your self; how can it get like this? Why is this so hard? And you wonder, how do I handle it all? But you do, and you learn to love it because it's the shards of glass that matter, not the pane.
You are about the embark on an amazing journey,” says the fortune cookie.
So here we go. Down the spiral and it tastes like last year… all… over… again…
17792
i dont know what to say. you said for me not to say anything.
forever is an immeasureable amount of time. thats a word, right?
eternity is here. it wants me to open the door and let it in but something inside of me is holding me back. what is it? i dont have anything left.
i'm empty. i got swept up in your tide.
sorry that i couldn't make you stay.
WTF
I don't know if it's possible to change who you are or what your instincts tell you to do. I don't know if it's possible to take everything you feel inside you and willingly lay it out on the line for someone else. I don't know what to expect anymore or what I want.
I feel anxious and scared all the time. I want something to happen to make everything better again though I know in my heart nothing will be the same. I want to feel like it will get better and I did the right thing. I did do the right thing, but in my heart I know I am letting go of everything. I need to or I am not going to survive. I guess it was just a little harder than I thought it would be. But it's for the best.
Maybe now instead of daydreaming about what I need I can live for it truly.
17153
I get sad when your name fades from italic grey into nothing. I'm serious.
I hate who I am. I hate what I am, but I can't be anything else but this. It makes me feel like a hypocrite. It makes me feel like i'm just living a lie.
I am sorry for wasting her time. I still care about her. I want her to be happy, and I want her to find better. I don't mean to be the person that I am.
I don't know what i'm doing. I don't know why i'm here.
What in the fuck am i saying?
16955
sometimes i hear myself say:
knowing what i know now, i hope to never be in love again.
