Do you notice, i'm gone?
It's strange how time and life have a way of bringing friendships into and out of our lives.
With some friendships, we barely even notice as they end. But then, just as they started, they're gone and the friendship is something you think back on fondly without feeling any pains of loss.
And then, there are other friendships that tear you apart as they end. You remember everything you had and you don't want to let it go. You grasp at straws, trying desparately to hold on to something that has already gone. You're too afraid to let it go, thinking that if you do you're somehow discounting the substance it had.
But in reality, that's not quite the case. People change and grow apart naturally. But it doesn't make what they shared any less real or any less important. These friendships will always have a place in your heart, and a part of shaping you into the person you become.
I just wrote what was quite possibly the hardest letter i've ever written. I don't know that i'll ever send it. But it felt good just to get it all out and onto paper. To put those thoughts and feelings and fears and sadness to paper. To truly admit that things have changed.
Part of me still doesn't want to let go of the friendship. Part of me hopes that we'll eventually find our way back to each other. But another part of me doesn't truly believe that's realistic. We are strangers in each others lives. We were so much more once, but now, aside from journal entries, we don't really know each other anymore.
Maybe this sounds overdramatic. That's not the intention. I'm simply just trying to put into words the things i've been thinking about for the past few weeks.
I was talking to a new friend the other night. And it made me smile to think how close we've become in the past month or so. And I told her all of the thoughts I was having, and how sad it made me to think that i may be truly losing this friendship that i've cherished for so long. And I sobbed in my living room thinking about it. But my new friend also helped me to realize that there are people that come into our lives that we may not get to keep forever…they are brought to us for reasons we may not understand. And we should be grateful for that.
And I am truly grateful. And still, somewhat hopeful for the future.
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