WAKE UP!!!
Once a defined unhealthy, now a mad craving
sitting dormant because there is nothing to do
but ignore it and turn my head. Whatever roots
grounded me have officially withered up from a
lack of whatever was feeding them, and I can
barely get myself to lift my head up. I know
what I want, what I need, what can bring on the
change I hold my arms out to embrace, but I
have no fucking clue as to why I can’t have it.
How is this life supposed to work…I’m being
completely honest…How long does it take for
one to figure out who they are…I don’t
understand the unattraction in something once
stated to be beautiful.
And I’ve been conquered by something fiercely
unfair. I run into beauty in its purest form
on a daily basis, and though parts of it I’d
like to mold and liberate and introduce to
what I find enjoyable and living, I can’t.
I’ve been ruined, and within me is some
remnants that I can’t carve out and dispose
of because they grew too deep, and though it
makes no sense at all, I can’t justify staying
anywhere else but here, awaiting some kind of
spontaneous change of heart. I’m just turning
circles – and I make myself believe what I am
doing is right, but half of me knows I am so
fucking lost in my own state of affairs, that I
am the pathetic sap I denounce in conversation.
And I don’t know how many times I can scream
WAKE UP. Some mad machine at work, a long
transformation from little bug.
-j
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